"I work with this lady who would get really bad haircuts. But she wouldn't leave her hairdresser. I think she's just really loyal," said Simons, a 30-year-old dental hygienist. "She would come in (after a haircut) and both the dentists I work for - they're a husband and wife team - would say, 'What the heck happened to you.' The husband would go up to her with a comb, just joking around with her. But what did it was when she decided to get a perm the last time, and she tried to tease it at home. I don't know why - I think she let the hairdresser talk her into it. The (male dentist) finally made an appointment last week for her with his hairdresser in Manchester, N.H. She came in this week looking really good."

Loyalty. Friendship. Guilt. All of these emotions trap millions of women in bad relationships - with their hairdressers. You may want to leave the salon with a bag over your head, but you've already scheduled your next appointment before closing the door.

Why do women feel closer to their hairdresserd than the dry cleaner or other service providers?

"The reason is, with your hairdresser, not only do we spend more time with them - with your dry cleaner, you're running in and out with five pants to be done - but it's not an intimate relationship with your dry cleaner, as it is with your hairdresser," said Marblehead etiquette expert Jodi R.R. Smith. "They're physically touching you for almost an hour at a time. And while you are there being touched for an hour, you're talking about your life. They become a part of your extended family."

Lawrence psychologist Joseph Cotton agreed that personal, nurturing conversations coupled with the physical nature of the client-hairstylist relationship is what makes this professional service a more personal experience.

"Touching one's skin or head is a transfer of sensation from one human to another. It's a very powerful event to allow yourself to be touched. And it's a relatively rare occurrence to be touched willingly by others," Cotton said. "For a regular person, the human touch is an immense feature that doesn't just affect you physically, but also emotionally. When someone is washing your hair, it generally brings pleasure to you. Those are the ties that bind."

While Cotton thinks men can relate to this phenomenon, Smith wasn't so sure.

"I don't think guys can understand this because women definitely feel more involved in the process," Smith said. "It's routed in childhood; most young girls have long hair when they're younger, and it's their mom washing it, brushing it, taking care of it. It's very intimate and very maternal. That sparks that bond you have with your hairdresser. Men, they get buzzed and a towel dry and that's it."

For women, sitting down in a salon chair is their version of stepping up to the bar.

"It's like a bartender for a guy; you develop a real closeness with your hairdresser," said Wenham resident Sue Tarsook, 50. "You can have the world falling apart and mend it for each other. It's so much of, 'I know just how you feel.'"

After having so many "I know just how you feel" conversations with a stylist over the years, it's hard to say, "I don't like what you did."

Once those lines of communication break down, you're simply stuck in a bad relationship - and a bad haircut - that you can analyze ad nauseam in between appointments. The rut can last for years before you finally get the courage up to go to another stylist. But will your hairstylist's world really fall apart if you decide to leave?

"They're in it for the money, not for the stories about your dog," Smith said. "For the client, it's a very intimate relationship. But for the hairdresser, it's a business relationship."

Both Amy Borges, a senior stylist at Indra Salon in Andover, and Laura Radzim, owner of Laura's Locks in Ipswich, said they aren't immune to emotional sting from a breakup with a client. However, Radzim said a little sadness is better than the alternative.

"I don't like it when clients stay (away) out of guilty," Radzim said. "Our main objective is to make you happy, even if you're more happy being with someone else."

April Graffeo, co-owner of Indra, agreed that breakups are usually harder for the client than the stylist. And while switching to another stylist in the same salon might seem like the ultimate slap in the face, Graffeo said that isn't the case at all; she'd rather keep clients in-house than have them take their business elsewhere.

"Women will even feel guilty when they're sitting next to us with a new stylist," Graffeo said. "But we work as a team here. When I'm standing next to Amy (Borges), who has one of my past clients sitting in her chair, it's a better atmosphere because all the people know and enjoy each other."

If you're trying to help someone else make the break, Smith suggests giving them a gift certificate at a different salon for a haircut or a makeover. "That way, (she) can go back to her regular hairdresser and say, 'My daughter gave me this treat for Christmas, and I really like what the other stylist did. Can we try it, too?"

So repeat after me: "It's OK to take a break," Smith said. "You're allowed to two-time your hairdresser."

Telltale signs you need to walk out on your hairdresser

* You dread going to get your hair done.

r You're happy to go and socialize, but hate the way you look when you leave the salon.

r The price goes up so significantly that you really can't afford the stylist anymore.

Source: Marblehead etiquette expert Jodi R. R. Smith

What's the right way to breakup with your hairdresser?

"It depends on the relationship, but if you let them know, it might start some unnecessary conflict. It's like when people are reluctant to get a second opinion for an illness because they don't want to disappoint the primary treater. I wouldn't necessary discuss it, I would just go to someone else."

Lawrence psychologist Joseph Cotton

"Sometimes you can just say to them, 'Nancy, I love you, but I need to find someone closer to home.' You can write a quick note that says, 'I love you. I refer people to you. But I need a little bit of a break and to try something new.' If it's near the end of the year, you can include a tip. Or, if you're yellow-bellied, you can call and talk to the receptionist."

Marblehead etiquette expert Jodi R.R. Smith

But how did you really do it?

"I don't switch often. But things happened at the other place that I didn't care for. I'm not one to make the next appointment on my way out the door. I always say, 'I'll call when I'm ready.' Then, I could just walk away."

Ann Wing, 69, of Rowley

"In the past 40 years, I've probably had 40 hairdressers. I just sort of disappear into the night. It's much easier than having a confrontation. I just leave the salon all together. I don't feel comfortable switching to someone in the same salon. I have received calls - yeah, it's very awkward because you really don't know what to say. You have to come up with some story like, 'I want to go someplace closer to work because I don't have the time.'"

Anne Peterson, 59, of Andover

"I just stopped going. It's not easy to break up because you've been going to the same person for awhile. I have seen her around, and it's a little awkward because obviously I've had my hair done over the past year (since the split). But I think she understands."

Jessica Costanzo, 32, of Newton, N.H.

"I lucked out: I moved out of state. I did tell (my hairdresser), and we're still friends. I think it was a good thing, though. Because we were friends, I'm not sure he was trying as hard."

Jennifer Simons, 30, of Andover

"I didn't tell her, I just left. But my husband at the time and I both went to the same hairdresser, so he made up a story that I started going to a good friend who's a hairdresser to support her. It was the type of situation where (the former stylist) was going to ask. She was his hairdresser when I broke it off, so we had to say something."

Kathy McLaughin, 37, of Ipswich

"My old hairdresser was in Newburyport, but then she moved up to Kensington, N.H., and I moved to Wenham. Then she had a child and her days became limited, so it was a schedule and distance thing. We both knew we couldn't accommodate each other. I have stopped in to say hello to her since then. I think that today I could still call her and she'd do my hair."

Sue Tarsook, 50, of Wenham