"Practically perfect in every way" calls to mind Julie Andrew's portrayal of Mary Poppins, who, of course, described herself in those very words. Of course, she hung out with a chimney sweep and penguins, so her street cred as a mental health expert is on the lighter side.
Perfectionism is, however, nothing to laugh about. It is not considered a diagnosable mental illness like clinical depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Nevertheless, this personality characteristic can wreak havoc on a person's self-esteem and relationships with family, friends and co-workers.
A good definition comes from the University of Illinois counseling Web site, which defines perfectionism as "a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high unrealistic goals," adding that "perfectionism is often mistakenly seen in our society as desirable or even necessary for success." The reality is usually the opposite, and more in line with the belief that perfectionism leads to delays, low self-esteem and poorer outcomes.
Perfectionists tend to think in specific ways. For example, an "all-or-nothing, black-or-white" thought pattern causes a perfectionist to experience life as a series of successes or failures. Shades of gray, reflected in comments like "I did pretty well" or "I didn't make the team, but learned a lot for next time," do not exist. Obviously, this makes every situation in life a high stakes, win or lose completely experience. Talk about stress.
Another aspect of the perfectionist's view of life is that the end result is everything. This causes a paradox. Perfectionism often leads to procrastination and productivity problems. Procrastination results from the desperate need for the finished product to be perfect. The person puts off working to avoid the overwhelming anxiety and psychological pressure to make it superior. Also, the person delays completion, missing deadlines, because the project doesn't measure up to the standard of perfection. The insistence on perfection results in delays and a poor record of completing tasks or projects.
Perfectionists often have difficulty in interpersonal relationships. Since they are already castigating themselves for perceived failures in achieving perfection, people with this problem often become overly sensitive to helpful suggestions. Constructive criticism may be experienced as a personal attack. Family members, friends and co-workers often become exasperated with the level of defensiveness a perfectionist exhibits.
If you feel that you may be a perfectionist or have such personality tendencies, two easy self-assessment tools are available online. The first is on the Discovery Health Web site, and the other is found in the science section of bbc.co.uk Web site. In a short time, you can assess your perfectionist tendencies.
Perfectionism impacts physical health as well as emotional well-being. A May article on Web MD titled
"Stress Hormone Rises Higher in Perfectionists Under Pressure" looked at the "stress hormone" cortisol. It found chronic exposure to high levels of cortisol has been associated with increased cardiac morbidity and high blood pressure. Perfectionism can also cause clinical depression. This association makes sense given perfectionists struggle with low self-esteem and sensitivity to criticism, disapproval and making mistakes.
Perfectionists often despair about changing their self-defeating tendencies. However, techniques have been developed to help people gradually change these aspects of their personality. Many approaches exist, but here are two options.
One suggestion involves never saying "should." A perfectionist can use the feeling or thought that "I should be doing this" or "I should get it right the first time" as a red flag. These feelings of "should be" or "should do" often reflect old attempts to please parental figures. The University of Illinois Web site offers several other effective suggestions for focusing on the cognitive aspect of this problem and how a person can gradually change their perception of themselves, and of success and failure.
A second suggestion comes from Elizabeth Scott, M.S., who states, "If you're struggling with perfectionism, you probably have honed the skill of spotting mistakes of others and of yourself." She offers techniques for "making a conscious effort to notice all that is good with your work and the achievements of others." She recommends developing a new "positive habit" of finding five good qualities each time you catch yourself focusing on a perceived failure or blunder.
I close with Anna Quindlen's thoughts about perfectionism: "The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
Rather than "practically perfect in every way," let's shoot for "perfectly imperfect." It is a much happier way to live life.
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Dr. David F. McMahon, MD, FAPA, is on the medical staff of Addison Gilbert Hospital in Gloucester and Beverly Hospital. He is head of geriatric psychiatry services, health and education services and medical director for geriatric psychiatry at the Center for Healthy Aging located at the Beverly Hospital Hunt Center in Danvers and at Addison Gilbert.
