Q. I am a single, 79-year-old woman. I live alone, at the bottom of a small hill, and every fall, I run into an issue with my neighbors about leaves. My neighbors blow their leaves (or have someone else do it for them), and it takes them no time. I mow my own grass, shovel my own driveway and rake my own leaves the old-fashioned way. Because of where my house is, many of my neighbors' leaves find their way into my yard. Although I do try and get them all when I rake, there are some that drift out into the street. Because no one picks leaves up from the street, they invariably end up back in the neighbors' lawns. A few neighbors, one in particular, have complained to me about "my" leaves ending up in their lawns. I am so tired and frustrated dealing with their leaves, and putting up with complaining neighbors has now put me over the top. I am ready to move. What's the answer here?
A. His, yours, theirs, ours, mine - leaves drift. One can only do one's best to manage fall cleanup. I marvel at the landscapers of today, many of whom need only pick up a blower, which, in a fraction of the time and effort, blows leaves away and gives new meaning to the term "fall clean-up." Unless one's lawn has a focal destination such as wetlands or a forest-like area, then one is still responsible for gathering the leaves and placing them in paper bag receptacles, which most towns pick up. Leaves in the street do not get picked up, and are hazardous for cars and, pedestrians.
While it may not be possible to collect all your leaves, including your neighbors' overflow, your honest effort in doing so yourself, particularly with a rake, is admirable. I respect your efforts in even attempting this very physical activity, particularly as an older, single woman. Rather than chastising you, your neighbors should act like real neighbors, the old-fashioned kind, and offer you some neighborly assistance.
I suggest you initiate open communication with your neighbors, and explain your predicament. I would predict they are not fully aware of your situation, which you clearly need to spell out. Ask for their help and ideas in making this work for everyone concerned.
Q. I have been upset enough about cell phone use and abuse in the past. Now, here comes hand-held computers that people 'telegraph' with during meetings. They may as well be on the telephone or on their computer, because their attention is clearly not on the meeting. I am insulted when I see this and was wondering what the protocol is.
A. Hand-held computers, Blackberries and the like are just as bad, if not worse, than cell phones. The necessity to establish boundaries for "cell phone etiquette" has entered many private and public establishments because of abuse. Hand-held computers are technically not cell phones, so "the rules" do not technically apply.
Please know that any high-technology medium such as cell phones, hand-held computers and iPods are inanimate objects. Using these in the presence of another person is highly insulting to that individual and those around you because you are suggesting that this object is more important. You are blatantly giving your full attention to "it," rather than to them, which is rude.
As technology continues to evolve and become even more advanced, being respectful of the use of these items is imperative in order to demonstrate our primary focus, which should involve showing consideration for others. Unless we correct our behavior, more rules and boundaries will be mandated in order to preserve, protect and defend the Golden Rule.
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Judy Bowman is the president of Protocol Consultants International, providing etiquette training to corporate executives. Etiquette questions may be submitted to Everyday Etiquette, c/o Essex County Newspapers, 32 Dunham Road, Beverly, MA 01915.
