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Lifestyle

November 9, 2013

"De-textbook" gives you the education you never got

“The De-Textbook” by the writers of CRACKED

c.2013, Plume $23; 209 pages

Ah, you remember high school.

You remember goofing off and skipping class; “stacking” someone’s locker; figuring out how to cheat on tests; and testing the limits of whatever poor sub had the misfortune to be called in to teach that day. You remember it well.

Unfortunately, you’ve forgotten much of what you actually (supposedly) learned back then. But maybe that’s a good thing, according to “The De-Textbook” by the writers of CRACKED. What you learned might have been wrong anyhow.

For twelve-plus years, your behind was planted in a chair Monday-through-Friday from too-early o’clock until mid-afternoon. Yep, you went to school that whole time, but what do you have to show for it? Are you still clueless about some of life’s most important things?

Do you know, for instance, that T-Rex was practically baby-sized, compared to the largest creature that ever walked the planet? Yeah, even whales are smaller than that reptile was. And another thing: there are critters way scarier than dinosaurs – like living, “giant versions of the creatures you’re already scared of.”

Did you know that there are a lot of activities you’re doing wrong? Yes, everyday things like sitting, breathing, sleeping, bathing, brushing your teeth, and… um, other things you do in the bathroom.

Once upon a Midsummer’s Night, you might have thought that Shakespeare was a musty old dude, but he was actually pretty bad (in a good way). This book will tell you the naughty bits from the Bard. You’ll also learn which books you’ll never see, which is one “massive literary… tease.”

Read this book and learn what two common things Abraham Lincoln never saw. Find out why your Mama dresses you funny (by 1920’s standards). See how Mozart had a potty mouth, why the Zuni language may be closely tied to Japanese, or why science doesn’t know how a bicycle works. You’ll see how your brain double-crosses you and causes you to make the world’s worst decisions. You’ll learn how the movies are wrong, how history is error-filled, what researchers have to say about Thomas Jefferson, and why the good ol’ days weren’t so good.

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