Q: My dearest friend was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. This is such a shock to those of us she has told. She doesn't have any family living in the area so I am concerned about her well being. What can I do to help her as the disease progresses?
A: The most important gift you can give is to be her "dearest friend." You may know her best and will have a sense over the days and months to come what she needs most and which role you should assume. Just as we are all individuals in our personalities, we respond differently in the midst of tough times. You mentioned the fact she revealed her diagnosis to you but that may not exactly be the same as accepting the reality of the label of her illness.
Take cues from your friend, be there if she needs someone to talk with or offer a shoulder to cry on. If she doesn't appear to want to discuss the topic at first, protect her dignity and allow her to put it aside. Obviously there will come a time she won't be able to ignore her diagnosis and will have to face reality on a daily basis. Some people have the ability to hide their symptoms from others for a while, but the insidious disease will take its toll sooner or later.
Spend time researching service options so when additional care is required you will know whom to contact on her behalf. Critically review her living situation to get a sense of how long she might safely remain in that environment. Determine if there are some subtle changes to start making now that might assist her in her everyday activities.
Gently question if all her legal affairs are in order. If not, encourage her to do this immediately while she still has the cognitive ability to make decisions on her own. Ask her to consider appointing someone as her health care proxy if she has not already done so. Will she have the financial resources to cover the cost of future care or could this become a critical issue?
Remember, as long as your friend is competent, all decisions will be hers to make. Your assistance as a friend is merely to help with understanding her options and the care available. She may not need formal services for quite a while, but at least she will be prepared with your help.
It will be beneficial to you as her friend to learn as much as you can about the disease. This will prepare you for what the future may bring. People progress through the disease at a different pace, but what is a given is the fact it will be all downhill. Contact the Massachusetts Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association to learn about their programs at 800-548-2111.
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Do you have a question? Direct inquiries by email to ro@esmv.org
Questions about Alzheimer's?
The Merrimack Valley Alzheimer's Conference will be held on Saturday, April 26, at the Andover Wyndham. The conference is designed to benefit both professionals and family caregivers. It is free to family caregivers and $25 for Alzheimer's professionals. With limited space, reservations are strongly recommended. To register in advance, or for more information, call Janice Hrenko, community educator for Elder Services at 978-946-1321.
