Elder Q&A
Rosanne DiStefano
Q: My father is in the mid-stages of Alzheimer's disease and still living at home, being cared for by my mother. She is devoted to him and makes sure he is well cared for. We tried to convince her to let one of us host the family holiday celebration this year and she wouldn't even consider this change. She acts as if her husband is the same man she married almost 50 years ago. My sisters and I need some suggestions on how to keep Daddy calm so everyone can enjoy the day. Please can you help?
A: The holidays can create a dilemma for families who are torn between trying to maintain traditions and keeping the day from turning into a complete disaster. Individuals diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease may not be able to handle all the festivities, over-stimulation can lead to disruptive behavior. People should be realistic, accepting the family unit is different, and compromises may need to be made if everyone is going to be included.
The chaotic nature of the season is very appealing to a lot of us. The twinkling lights, colorful decorations, festive music, rich food and drink all represent what we love about the holidays. These exact same elements can be overwhelming to someone with dementia; the disruptive behavior that may develop is not an intentional action to deflate the merriment of their family but behavior resulting from their inability to cope with the visual and audio over-stimulation or resulting disorientation.
Be cognizant about not having too much going on at the same time. Stagger the arrival times of family members or guests; everyone coming through the front door at the same time could be far too noisy and unsettling. Having a designated area for young children to play in if they become a little too hyperactive is a good idea. Consider the time of day you will be celebrating; if your father becomes more agitated in the evening it might be more pleasurable for all involved to schedule an earlier get-together.
Try and maintain as much normalcy in your father's daily routine. Encourage your mother to adhere to the usual schedule in the morning when he first gets up, have a family member take him out for a walk if he is used to exercising every day and think about the activities he can still participate in without causing frustration or confusion.
The holidays can remain meaningful for everyone with a little advance planning and consideration. This should be about enjoying who your father still is and the true meaning of the holiday and not about how things used to be.
For anyone struggling with caring for an older family member and need help locating services, our Eldercare Advisers are available for no cost consultations in the home, office or community. You don't have to go through this experience alone, we are here to help.
Rosanne Distefano is the executive director of Elder Services of the Merrimack Valley. Do you have a question? E-mail her at ro@esmv.org or write to Elder Services of the Merrimack Valley, Inc., 360 Merrimack St., Lawrence, MA 01843.
