As you know, cookies don’t fatten people, people fatten themselves by eating cookies — and if that makes any sense to you, congratulations, because you have won a prize. To claim the prize, just pull my other leg and wait until you hear the bell ring. An operator will assist you.
The arguments against gun control are a bit like that — much puzzling nonsense and a long wait before anything happens, if it happens at all.
While the Obama administration figures out how to proceed with sensible rules on gun purchases that will take America from being armed to the teeth to being armed only to the elbows, let us look at a couple of the major obstacles to the cause of sanity.
The biggest is a strange and disturbing twist on patriotism: Those who love their guns like little boys love their teddy bears insist that the Second Amendment is not about protecting a right to hunt, say, but the means of resisting government tyranny. The precise moment they say this is when they leave the real United States behind in the rearview mirror and enter the realm of Crazyland.
Consider the irony: Every self-professed patriot becomes teary-eyed about the flag and those whose job it is to fight to protect it — and rightly so. By and large, members of the Armed Forces today are widely admired and respected.
But if guns were used in an effort to overthrow a tyrannical government, guess who the enemy would be? Why, those same men and women of the Armed Forces marching under that same grand old flag. The president, if a reminder is needed, is their commander in chief.
Count me out. The idea is totally repugnant. Tyranny, you say? People who raise the threat of government tyranny should be congratulated — but only for having lived a sheltered life. North Korea is a tyranny; the old Soviet Union was a tyranny. The United States is not a tyranny — not even close, not under Barack Obama; not previously under George W. Bush.