EagleTribune.com, North Andover, MA


January 2, 2013

Column: Here are some resolutions for politicians

Some people say 2012 was a less-than-stellar year for our political system. Some people say it would be good if our favorite politicians made some New Year’s resolutions. Here are some suggestions.

President Barack Obama should resolve to smoke more cigars with House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio. The two men basically stopped talking as the fiscal cliff loomed. A few stogies — or Obama’s penchant for beer summits — might work.

Boehner should resolve to drink more of his favorite beverage, wine — with Obama. See above. He should also never mention Plan B again.

Vice President Joe Biden should resolve to stay off Sunday talk shows (you remember when he preempted the president’s policy change on gay marriage on “Meet the Press”) — unless it’s U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice’s turn to speak for the administration.

Rice should resolve to pay no attention to CIA talking points. About anything.

Former President Bill Clinton should resolve to stop speculating on whether his wife Hillary will run for president in 2016 and just say, well, duh, of course she’s going to run.

Outgoing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton should resolve to stick to one hairstyle so we’ll stop talking about how it changes daily.

Incoming Secretary of State John Kerry should do something to spice up his boring demeanor. Perhaps he should change his hairstyle.

Tea partiers should resolve to stop pretending and just admit: Yes, we don’t care if the nation goes into default and stops paying its debts and causes the markets to crash and the economy to falter. Just so Obama gets the blame.

Democrats should resolve to stop pretending and just admit: Yes, we want elderly people who vote our party line to get higher and higher Social Security and Medicare benefits until the piggy bank is empty.

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