EagleTribune.com, North Andover, MA

Opinion

February 4, 2013

Letter; Intergalactic Senate says no to Death Star for Earth

To the editor:

I read with great interest Mr. Christian’s letter (“Why won’t Obama build an American Death Star?”, Feb. 1) requesting that our country acquire a Death Star. The more I thought about it, the more I knew it was time for me to contact my friend from the Intergalactic Council , Yoda .

Yoda came to my house in 9 Earth seconds, accompanied by his bodyguard, C-3PO . When I explained Mr. Christian’s dilemma, they offered to transport me to the council chambers posthaste.

When we arrived, we were met by a man named Han Solo, who informed us that the Senate was about to begin to debate whether the planet Earth could be trusted with a Death Star.

The Senate consists of two major parties, the Demagoodians and the Repubalouseians.

Senator Princess Leia argued on our planet’s behalf, but the Repubalouseians’ minority leader, Dim Vader, fought tooth and nail against .

The debate was very spirited, with Senator Skywalker pleading our case with great passion. The Repubalouseians were also passionate, with their presentation by the son of the late Jabba the Hutt, whose name was Pizza the Hutt.

The debate was over, time to vote. The chamber is made up of 100 members, 57 Dem. and 43 Rep. The totals were Dems, 56 for Earth to obtain the Death Star, 1 no vote; and 43 Repubalouseians against, and since the filibuster rule was invoked, no go.

Mr. Christian, no Death Star. And if we persist Senators McGrievous, Ottnot and Linseed Grumbles promise to attack our planet.

Robert Burdin

Methuen

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