Christina Tomaselli-Schofield is sitting with her mother and grandmother while her 3-week old son, Thomas Schofield, sleeps in his baby seat.
As the Methuen women talk, Yvonne Costa, 71, is surprised to learn that nowadays doctors are recommending babies stay barefoot when learning how to walk.
"Shoes don't teach them how to grip," Tomaselli-Schofield, 26, explained to her grandmother. "If you're in the house, they say barefoot is best."
"Really?" Costa questioned. "Years ago, you'd always see babies with the white high tops."
According to Dr. Robert Nelken, a pediatrician at Andover Pediatrics, Tomaselli-Schofield is right. Furthermore, doctors say, many trends in infant care have gone the way of the hard, white, high-topped baby shoes that parents used to pay to have bronzed as a keepsake.
Nelken and other experts acknowledge that with all the conflicting advice out there — from books, doctors, mothers, grandmothers and even complete strangers — it can be tough for new parents to distinguish fact from fiction.
One of the topics people feel most strongly about is breast-feeding, moms and doctors say. Although a generation or two ago, formula was the norm, breast-feeding now is recommended so strongly that many mothers say they feel pressure to do so and guilt if they don't, said Dr. Steven Bloom, a pediatrician at Pentucket Medical Associates in Haverhill.
Costa never breast-fed. Tomaselli-Schofield tried it and met with difficulty, something she feels guilty about.
Bloom recommends breast-feeding, but says it's not the end of the world if mothers can't or don't want to do it. He believes it's best to try breast-feeding first because of immunological and other benefits. In the end, though, he said, the most important thing is providing adequate nutrition and a loving environment for the baby.
"What's most important is that mothers and fathers love their children," Bloom said.
Recommendations also have flipped about the best sleeping position for babies. Costa's babies slept on their stomachs because people thought babies could choke if they vomited or spit up in their sleep. Also, people thought back sleeping could cause a baby to develop a flat head.
Tomaselli-Schofield's mother, Linda Tomaselli, 49, said her babies slept on their sides, using a rolled-up receiving blanket to prop them up. The rationale was to avoid a flat head or choking from back sleeping, or possibly smothering the baby from belly sleeping.
Today, parents are told to have babies sleep on their backs because research has shown it reduces the incidence of sudden infant death syndrome.
Bloom said people once didn't realize the importance of sleeping positions.
"The data became increasingly convincing that back sleeping was better," Bloom said.
On a recent evening at Babies"R"Us in Salem, N.H., Staci Afthim filled her shopping cart with glass bottles to replace the brand-new plastic ones she just threw away.
Afthim is like many other parents who are worried about using plastic bottles, some of which contain the chemical bisphenol A, or BPA, which last month the U.S. National Toxicology Program said could be harmful.
"It's frustrating," the 32-year-old Methuen resident said. "I'm spending so much more now."
Charlotte Conklin, a 21-year-old new mom from Haverhill, also has chosen to use glass bottles for her 1-month-old baby because of the risks of BPA.
"We don't know what to trust anymore with plastic," she said.
When it comes to the choice between plastic and glass bottles, Bloom thinks it's best to err on the side of caution, especially if there's no downside to using glass.
"Nobody knows how big the risk is. And no one is going to be experimenting to find out," Bloom said. "If parents ask me, I would say go with glass. We're really in no man's land."
Also worrying parents is the supposed link between autism and the measles, mumps and rubella vaccine, which both Bloom and Nelken say does not exist.
A 1998 study published in the British medical journal The Lancet alleged a link between the vaccine and autism. The study has since been debunked and The Lancet eventually published a retraction.
"It was proven upside-down and sideways that there is no link to autism," Nelken said of the vaccine.
He said a lot of parents are getting information on the Internet that's unreliable or false. This may lead them to think if certain diseases are no longer prevalent, they're not a threat.
Yet with more parents forgoing vaccines, children are once again getting sick with diseases that have been uncommon, he said. In fact, earlier this month the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said that the number of measles cases this year is the highest it's been since 2001. The CDCP warned that "measles is an ongoing risk to those who choose not to be vaccinated and a risk to infants and children who have not yet received vaccine."
Another old adage that moms struggle with is letting babies "cry it out," because picking them up will spoil them.
Afthim said her mother has encouraged the "cry it out" method. She has gotten different advice from her physician, though, who says to only let the baby cry for five minutes.
Conklin said her mom also tells her to let the baby "cry it out," but like Afthim, she picks her baby up. That's OK, say Bloom and Nelken.
"You're not going to spoil the baby in the first few months of life," Nelken said.
Bloom tells parents to go with their gut; if they want to pick up the baby, do it.
Overall, Costa, the 71-year-old grandmother, thinks the thing that's changed the most is how educated and prepared parents are. They take classes, read books and buy a huge array of baby gear to make parenting easier.
"You're so lucky today," Costa said to her granddaughter.
Though a lot has changed in the 50 or so years between when Costa and Tomaselli-Schofield had their first babies, one thing has not.
Baby Thomas is the fifth generation to sleep in his bassinet; Costa's father was the first.
"It's been passed down for many years," she said.
THEN & NOW
r Car seats: "There were no car seats in her day," Linda Tomaselli, 49, said of when her mother, Yvonne Costa, 71, had babies. Instead, mothers held babies in their laps. Now, new parents can't leave the hospital without getting their car seats checked for safety, said Christina Tomaselli-Schofield, 26, Costa's granddaughter.
r Mom's age: The average age of first-time moms is steadily rising. According to the Census Bureau and the CDC, the average age of first-time mothers increased from 21 years old in 1970 to 25 in 2002. That's true anecdotally, too. Costa was 20, Tomaselli was 23, and Tomaselli-Schofield was 26 when they had their first babies.
r Pacifiers: Costa didn't use pacifiers because it was thought that "lazy parents" used them. Now, babies are sent home from the hospital with them.
r Circumcision: Although there's some data to suggest lower incidence of certain health problems in circumcised men and boys, it's really a personal choice for parents, doctors say.
r Cloth diapers: One thing that's making a comeback among parents is cloth diapers. Though most parents use disposables, some are opting for cloth for environmental and other reasons. Charlotte Conklin, 21, of Haverhill uses cloth diapers because she's heard they make potty training easier. Supposedly, disposables are so absorbent kids tolerate them more. Still, Conklin said she hasn't been able to find the kind of diaper service available to previous generations.
r Walkers: The ones on wheels now are discouraged for safety reasons, said Dr. Robert Nelken, a pediatrician at Andover Pediatrics. But "exersaucers" that don't really move are OK to use, he said.
MODERN BABY STUFF
r Monitors: "Many baby monitors available today use digital technology, so gone are the days of picking up neighbors' phone calls with your baby monitor," said Katie Reczek, Babies"R"Us spokeswoman. Video monitors are becoming popular, too, she said.
r Strollers: Are getting high tech. For example, the Jeep Overland Limited Jogger stroller has speakers and a plug for an MP3 player.
r Organic and Natural Products: The green movement has hit baby registries in the form of organic bedding, clothes made with natural dyes, and environmentally friendly cleaning supplies.
MOST POPULAR BABY NAMES:
Year%Boy%Girl
2006%Jacob% Emily
1986%Michael%Jessica
1966%Michael% Lisa
1946%James%Mary
1926%Robert%Mary
1906%John%Mary
Source: U.S. Social Security Administration
