Gay Haverhill man seeks return of spouse from Brazil

By Jill Harmacinski
Staff Writer

March 12, 2008 12:24 am

—

HAVERHILL — Six years ago, Tim Coco had just left his Boston office and, with time to kill, he ducked into the bar Vapor to relax and have a quick drink.

It was there that he met a Brazilian man — a medical student in Bolivia — who came to New England on vacation. The two immediately hit it off and started dating.

And even when Genesio Oliveira Jr. left the country, he and Coco stayed in touch, talking on the phone and e-mailing constantly. But be apart they couldn't. By April 2002, Oliveira moved to Haverhill to be with Coco for good. In 2005, they married — the same year Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriages.

"I wanted him to stay here but I wanted him to be legal," Coco said.

That dream has turned into the most emotional and costly battle of Coco's life.

After five years of court dates, correspondence and endless wrangling with immigration lawyers and authorities, Oliveira was ordered by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security to leave the country last August. Since then, he's been living in Brazil with his mother, far from the home he and Coco made together near the Haverhill/Plaistow line.

Meanwhile, Coco, 46, the owner of Haverhill-based advertising agency, Coco and Co., has been working relentlessly to try to bring his husband back to the United States. To date, Coco estimates he's spent $100,000 in personal savings on the effort.

"I've always believed in following the law and that justice will prevail," he said. "Maybe it still will."

The couple this week filed an "I-130 Petition for an Alien Relative" — the same mechanism heterosexual couples use to gain recognition for immigrant spouses. But they expect the U.S. Department of Homeland Security to deny the petition based on the Defense of Marriage Act, a 12-year-old law that prohibits federal recognition of same-sex marriages.

The couple also is appealing to Brazilian leaders. They are urging officials there to discuss the couple's forced separation when U.S. Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice visits the South American country today. Their hope is that Oliveira, 28, can be granted humanitarian parole or any other legal clearance to return to the United States.

Rice is going to Brazil and Chile this week. During her trip, she's scheduled to meet with Brazilian President Luis Inacio Lula da Silva and Foreign Minister Celso Luiz.

Oliveira said he's aware there are many issues the leaders need to discuss. But he's praying they will address "my issue" and urge the United States to grant him a visa or other humanitarian relief so he can return to this country. Oliveira also has written numerous letters to both Brazilian leaders and President Bush.

When he first arrived in the Merrimack Valley, Oliveira needed to learn English, so he enrolled at Northern Essex Community College, first attending classes in Lawrence and later at the Haverhill campus. Once he mastered the language, he also hoped to continue his medical education and apply to the University of New Hampshire.

But for now, the plans the couple made have come to a standstill. The two talk via a web camera every night. Coco also has made several trips to Brazil, but cannot move there permanently because he is a primary caregiver to his 82-year-old mother and he has an established business here. Flying to Brazil also can be cost-prohibitive as airline tickets can cost $5,000, Coco said.

Finding help in the political arena also has been difficult.

"Everyone we've consulted believes this is unconstitutional but they are afraid to challenge it," Coco said.

And allies the couple expected, including the American Civil Liberties Union, "have not stepped up to the plate," he said.

U.S. Rep. Niki Tsongas, D-Mass., has offered her assistance, for which Coco is grateful. Family and friends also have written letters of support for Oliveira's petition to return to the United States.

Despite the separation and legal hurdles, the couple tries to stay upbeat and focus on the future. One thing they continue to discuss is a home project; the renovation of a bedroom into a library which they started last summer before Oliveira left.

"Every one of these efforts we undertake, we have hope for," Coco said. "I'm not doing this to be an activist for the cause. I'm doing this to reunite my family."

But one thing Coco does not intend to do is walk away from his marriage. He was 40 years old when he found true love.

"I want to honor my vows," he said. "It's death till us part."

Staff reporter Jill Harmacinski can be reached at 978-946-2209 or by e-mail at JHarmacinski@eagletribune.com.

Copyright © 1999-2008 cnhi, inc.