Alan Siegel
The e-mail, at once crass and flattering, made Stefan Fatsis happy.
It read, "You totally got the mind (bleep) that is the NFL."
An offensive lineman liked his book. It was his way of saying thanks. Now it's my turn.
"A Few Seconds of Panic" is one of the most well-researched, exhaustive — and best — football books around. Its subtitle says it all: "A 5-foot-8, 170-pound, 43-year-old sportswriter plays in the NFL."
Fatsis, a modern-day George Plimpton, spent the 2006 training camp kicking for the Denver Broncos. He sweated through two-a-days, lifted weights, booted hundred of field goals and earned the respect of his subjects.
"I'd like to think that says something about the way I approached the book," said Fatsis, who coincidentally was visiting the Broncos facility yesterday, "as an unvarnished look at the NFL."
I'm jealous. I too am a 5-foot-8 sportswriter! Still, I'm not sure I could endure like Fatsis.
One afternoon, in front of the entire team, he missed a 30-yard field goal. Twice. If he'd hit either attempt, practice would've ended 30 minutes early.
"When I regain composure, I rejoin the cluster of players standing behind the yellow rope waiting for their turn to play," he writes. "I sneak up on Preston Parsons and hide my head in his shoulder pads. 'Don't even talk to me!' he says. Tony Scheffler says he really wanted that half hour off.
"'That was pathetic,' Matt Lepsis offers. Cornell Green, an offensive lineman, wants me to run the quarter-mile penalty he incurred for jumping offside in practice. I tell him I will. 'They were going to tape you up and throw you in the cold tub,' he says. 'I'll tell them not to.'"
These days, Fatsis is conflicted about the missed kicks.
"It was one of the highlights of my life and one of the lowlights of my life," said Fatsis, a Wall Street Journal staff reporter who also penned "Word Freak", a book about competitive Scrabble. "I got to do it, but I failed so miserably. I'm a writer. Missing was probably the natural thing that was supposed to happen."
It helped him bond with the players, who are constantly reminded by coaches that if they fail, they'll be out of a job. Frustration, fear and paranoia are inevitable.
Watching players struggle to please their superiors emphasized just how cutthroat the NFL is.
"It's an American work place, a lousy American work place," Fatsis said. "The revelation to me was partly how bad communication can be."
...
Ask Fatsis about any "North Dallas 40" or "Any Given Sunday" moments, and he laughs. He didn't catch anyone shooting up in a dark corner of the locker room. Steroids were rarely discussed.
"There's no way I'm doing that," one player told him. "I'm not stupid."
For the most part, the subject remains taboo. (Fatsis did point out that Kenard Lang, a member of the 2006 Broncos, got suspended for violating the league's steroid policy in 2007.)
"There's not a lot of room for candor," in the NFL, Fatsis said.
Why would there be?
"They run these big organizations with militaristic efficiency," Fatsis said, "because that's how they know how to do things best."
Still, vibrant personalities do exist. Of all the players profiled, quarterback Jake Plummer stands out.
"He welcomed me to the locker room," Fatsis said. "... He was an honest, candid guy. A great leader. He played with a complete sort of abandon on the field."
In November 2006, coach Mike Shanahan benched Plummer in favor of rookie Jay Cutler. Plummer unleashed an obscenity-laced tirade (to Fatsis, not the public) against Shanahan.
Fatsis thinks Plummer got a raw deal. But there was no hanging on. After being traded to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Plummer retired.
"I think Jake knew in his heart that he was done," Fatsis said.
There's no sentimentality in the NFL. Ask Former Broncos general manager Ted Sundquist, who spent 16 years with the organization. In March, three months after the Broncos finished 7-9 and missed the playoffs, he got fired.
Fatsis is still close to Sundquist, who enjoyed the book, calling it "really instructive." Mainly, because it shed light on how the players viewed the front office.
Shanahan, who Fatsis spoke to yesterday, said the coach has read parts of the book. There was no animosity or outrage, even from a man nicknamed "The Mastermind."
"He has very thick skin," Fatsis said.
Still, Fatsis and the Broncos were an unlikely pairing. He figured Shanahan wouldn't approve. Predictably, the Patriots had already declined.
"There's no way Bill (Belichick) would do it," New England spokesman Stacey James told Fatsis.
Somehow, Shanahan, Sundquist and Broncos owner Pat Bowlen liked the idea. So Fatsis trained hard for months and came on board.
He'll remember the excruciating misses most, but he did hit his share of 30- and 40-yarders that summer.
"In my dreams," he joked, "they're all 60-yarders."
When I think of Fatsis lining up to kick in front of an NFL team, I wonder if my 5-foot-8 frame would hold up on the practice field. What a mind (bleep).
Alan Siegel is a sports writer at The Eagle-Tribune. E-mail him at ASiegel@eagletribune.com.
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